RELEVANT Determines What Your Pastor’s Jeans Say About Their Theology

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12 types of jeans and their important spiritual implications.

While much of the Internet is filled with ridiculous listicles, joke stories and various types of tomfoolery, we at RELEVANT have decided to take the high road.

Instead, we’ve elected to run a valuable piece of journalism and insight to edify and enlighten our readers: After months of research, investigation and study, we’ve uncovered an issue that the Church must reckon with: Our team of reporters and theologians has finally been able to determine what your pastor’s jeans say about their theology.

Jeans with Elaborate Crosses Stitched on the Back Pockets

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This pastor’s sermons are likely filled with lots of cool, overly elaborate illustrations and clips from Braveheart, but this motorcycle-driving cool guy is likely theologically conservative (despite what his be-dazzled denim would have you believe). Like his jeans, his messages are flashy, but not too flashy.

Extremely Tattered Jeans

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Unless the holes in the jeans are only found on the knees—a sign of a jeans-wearing prayer warrior—this pastor’s messages are likely similar to his pant choice: NOT APPROPRIATE FOR SUNDAY MORNING.

Carpenter Jeans

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Sure, they may not be as fashionable as they once were, but Jesus was a carpenter, so this pastor is probably pretty solid.

JNCO Jeans

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Back in the ’90s, this minister was likely the coolest youth pastor in town. However, his choice of jeans is an indication he has not moved on from his 1994 Aquire the Fire heyday, and that his preferred method of outreach is probably still free ska concerts in the sanctuary. He has frequently wondered why attendance is dropping.

Pleated Jeans

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This individual is clearly a heretic. Run from this church.

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SOURCE: Relevant Magazine
Jesse Carey

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