Editor’s Note: Do you need relationship advice from Dr. David Hawkins, best-selling author of When Pleasing Others is Hurting You and Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life? Send your questions to email@example.com to be answered in his new advice column.
We have all been wounded in relationships at one time or another. Facing those wounds and healing from them is a critical step toward moving forward in our lives. Whether our primary wounds stem from childhood, friendships or marriage, how we heal from those wounds is very important and can greatly influence our lives going forward.
One woman shared the following story:
Dear Dr. David,
I am struggling with an issue. I am 45 years old and was married for 18 years. My husband had a devastating affair and ended our marriage. It is not what I wanted and I pleaded with him to reconcile and seek counsel.
A year later I met a man who was married for 21 years and had a similar circumstance happen with his wife. He wanted reconciliation and she did not.
He lives 6 hours away from me so we do not get to see one another often. We talk every night and have done our devotions together many times. He is a wonderful leader. We have discussed marriage and I believe we are headed in that direction, but both of us are terrified to rush into that right now. We both are pretty wounded from how our marriages ended.
But we are in a committed relationship and it has turned physical. We try to see one another every 6 weeks or so since for now there is not a way for either of us to move to the other’s city. I know the Scriptures warn us to avoid sexual sin. I know there are consequences for sin. But I also know I miss the companionship and physical intimacy aspect of being married.
We both go through periods of feeling convicted about this. We both have accountability groups that we have shared this with. We could easily go get a marriage license and put a stamp of approval on this, but neither of us are ready to take that step.
So… what do we do? Do we break up and walk away from something that we both feel is headed toward marriage? Do we make a commitment not to have sex any longer until we are ready to get married? I’m just confused about how to proceed. Thanks for listening.
KP’s story is all of our story, to one extent of another. Consider these elements of her story and how it might apply to us.
First, KP is struggling to heal from her past and move forward. KP has, like many of us, been wounded in love. She has struggled from rejection and, not surprisingly, finds herself attracted to someone who can fully relate. This is often the case—we are attracted to people who can sympathize with our story and can relate to the pain we have experienced.
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