Have you “issued a statement” today? If not, why not?
Mets reliever Jenrry Mejia has been suspended for 80 games following a positive test for Stanozol, a synthetic anabolic steroid. In an “issued statement,” Mejia claimed he didn’t know how the Stanozol wound up in his body, but he did name the primary suspect: God.
“In life,” his statement concluded, “I know God puts certain obstacles in your path, and this is something else I know I will overcome.”
Hmmm. Must’ve been God who made Mejia into an all-about-me, showboating fool after saves.
Regardless, Mejia’s outlook on God is refreshingly different. After players score touchdowns, hit home runs or even infield singles, many point to the heavens to give thanks. In Mejia’s case, he may be the first to point to the sky after fumbling at the goal line.
As for being busted for Stanozol, PED experts tell us, because it’s a synthetic steroid, it is as easy to detect as garlic. That is why failed drug tests are often compared to failed IQ tests.
Anyway, in spite of this nasty trick God played on Mejia, we’re reminded of W.C. Fields, who referred to the booze he drank on movie sets as his “pineapple juice.” After he told a new production assistant to bring him his pineapple juice, Fields took a gulp then, outraged, shouted, “Who put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice?”
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